I Think I'm In Love With You

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I had a real bad, or I should say extremely bad day today.

First of all, this whole week, I can't sleep well which I have no idea why. I will wake up in the middle of the night (everyday) at an interval of 1 hour, starting from 3am. Waking up once at 3am, 4am, 5am, 6am is really affecting my daily life. I slept quite early recently, average 11pm to 12pm, but I just can't have a good sleep all the way till morning. It's as good as not sleep at all.

What makes my day today bad is that I remembered about an envelop with my boss's medical certificate and credit card inside when I woke up in the middle of the night today at 4am. I keep thinking if I have place it inside my drawer or I have place it somewhere else. Probably because this is bothering me, hence I can't sleep well last night. But this only happen last night, what about the previous night? No idea.

I reached office this morning, first thing I do after setting up my lappy is to look for that A4 size envelop, which I had no sight of it. I started to panic, thinking I have throw it away with the stuff I tidy yesterday. I was lucky that the bag of rubbish was still in office. Hence, i dig the bag of documents that I intended to throw away and still, no sight of the envelop. The more I got panic. Finding high and low and still can't find it. Hence, I sat down on my seat and think back on when I got the envelop from my boss and what thing I have thrown away along this few days.

And I somehow remember that I have slip the envelop into the DHL bag that I threw away 2 days ago. And I really think I throw it together with the bag of rubbish inside DHL bag. How blur am I. Before it's too late, I told my boss that I think I have accidentally throw the envelop with his medical certificate and his credit card away.

Well, although he didn't scold me at all, but I utterly feel so so guilty. How can I be so careless and misplace something so important. Luckily I threw it away and not misplace it somewhere. But this is a mistake that i should'nt have made. It's bringing so many inconvenience to everyone. My boss need to get a new card. All credit card will have to put on hold. We can't pay our supplier money, and many more. I've just indrectly gave everyone so many inconvenience. The guilt in me really overwhelme me. Although boss mention I should treat him for lunch when he is fine, and I agreed, but that doesn't lessen my guilt.

My memory is failing on me, and I really feel my memory is getting from bad to worst. I don't know what has happened to me. I hope that it's nothing serious. I don't remember where I'm heading to at times, which is scary and dangerous. I might need more time than others to think of way to go some places. I will forget about things that I've done, things that I have place.

Just recently, i misplace my claim form with all my receipts. It's 100 over dollars of claim and it's all gone. I can't recall at all where I put the claim form and till date, I still cannot find it. I will become the most generous person to treat my company eat KFC on the day of Lunar 7th Month major prayer.

I really think my memory is really failing on me.

Initially tonight is having a dinner with Karen, Jac and Keenan to celebrate Karen's birthday, which I didn't know that it was postpone to tomorrow until Karen asked me about it. No one bothers to at least inform me. WTH? Will telling me that the day of meeting up changed to the next day be that difficult? I don't like last minute changes. Luckily it's not till the last few hours before I know, if not I will be damn pissed off. I'm just not that important after all. Just exist for the sake of existing. Damn!

I went for my medical check up this evening and not many people know (just want to keep it as discreet as possible). I made someone angry again for not telling the person. I didn't do it on purpose. I just thought I will go for the routine medical checkup quietly since I know everything will be fine and didn't want to bother anyone. I didn't know that my doing have made that person so angry. Now that the person didn't want to talk to me even after I apologise and refuse to talk to me when I call the person, it's really hurting me and making my mood going down even more.

Now, I'm in a super duper bad mood and I think anyone who offended me from this point on will really get it from me. Damn damn!!

I just hate myself, TOTALLY. Why do I ever exist to give so many problems to everyone? Damn damn damn!!!

love goes around | 6:49 PM