Monday, August 10, 2009
As I was plain bored and tending to lost myself at home already, I decided to head off out of house yesterday after watching the NDP show for a chill out.
Initially was planned to go Ion Orchard with my music partner ZS and was said to meet at Ion Orchard at 8.30pm. As I was leaving home late, I smsed him to inform him I'll be a bit late and only then he replied that he forget that he has a family dinner. Well, fine I guess as it's a family dinner and he should have go for his family dinner (which I think is NOT pre-planned). Right then, I was still at home and I can still stay home, but I choose to go out (don't want to stay at home). Luckily I wasn't early and I didn'treach Ion Orchard when I sms that ZS, if not I will definitely be very very angry and pissed off for him not even informing after he knows that he have family dinner and make me go all the way to Ion Orchard to wait for him like a stupid full. He is not a friend I can count on when I am down and need a shoulder to lay on, I can conclude that. Need to look for another person to replace that.
I smsed my buddy too and ask if he wants to go out with me and ZS. He mentioned that he wants to watch Singapore Idol (one of his favourite variety show). I know he won't come out coz it's his favourite show so I didn't probe further. He only mention that he will sms me when he don't feel like watching that variety show (which I know he won't, just trying to coax me that's all).
So, I headed out from home and around 8.30pm and went off driving aimlessly towards town. Along the way, U smsed two of my gal friends to check if they are going to chiong that night (just want ot have fun and relax). One of them (Eil) is on the way to Malaysia. Chatted with her a while on the phone before we hung up. Then smsed a while with Jac and she said she can accompany me to go out chill, anyway she is out. Hence, I headed to somewhere near Fullerton to pick her up before we headed to places for a small drink and finger food.
We tried calling Tippling Club at Dempsey Hill to see if it's open or not, and sadly its not. We headed off to Mount Sophia Old School there to check out on a Live Band Pub and sadly it's closed as well. Thus, we headed to Goldhill Plaza for the Irish Pub and then I realise it's not open on Sunday (Sunday a lot of pubs not open for your information). So I drove to Pasir Ris Summer Breeze and settled there (I always like that place coz it's generally relaxing and you can see the sea and aeroplane landing).
Got ourselves a tower of Hooegarden and some finger foods (picture with Jac) and chat for like hours before we headed home. Thanks Jac for accompanying me (the lonely woman) out for a chill out. Hee. If you didn't join me, think I'll be alone drinking there and finding my soul there already. Thought I didn't drink enough I admit but still we left for the day as Jac is getting tired and I know I should have drink so much as I still need to drink and what's more I need to send my lovely Jac home. Hee. Whatever it is, I appreciated Jac effort for accompanying me (although it may be a bit boring coz I'm a boring person) but still thanks a lot.
Right, this part is for you, whom always read my blog secretly (you know who you are, read on). I know you are reading my blog frequently and I know you have always been doing so in order to update yourself on what I'm doing and how's my life going on recently.
I know that you are nice to me and I know that your had always want to know me better. But I seriously think that you can find someone better than me to share your happiness and sorrows. Given my character and personality, I know that I am not suitable for you. To you, I may be 'your cup of tea' but I think if I continue to treat you like how you treat me, I will feel that I am bluff on your feelings. I don't want to give you any glimpse of hope as I don't want to hurt you (you know it).
I sincerely thank you, and I really appreciate your effort in cooking a full meal for me as a dinner on that plain night. Thank you for inviting me over to your house to have a sumptious meal of what you have specially prepared for me. Frankly, at that point of time I am touched as not guy have personally cooked a full course meal for me with his own hands. You told me I'm the first person who eat your full course meal as your mum don't allow you to use her kitchen. Thanks. You mention that I'm the first to take your bike and I felt honoured. Thanks. You mention that I'm the first gal friend to take your driven car. Thanks. But all this I can only thank you.
You know very well that I have tried very hard to accept you but you are just not the person that I am looking for. You know the reason as I have told you a lot of times already.
I really really hope that we can be friends always and still go KTV as usual when you feel like singing hall and all. I am capable in accompany you to sing in the hall, trust me. I can be a good companion, but not a good girlfriend.
Don't need to say sorry to me as you have done nothing sorry to me. Rather, I should be the one who say sorry to you as you have done so much and I can't do much for you too. Apologies.
Well, this blog is getting too long, but I think it's time I say all things out to people I wanted to.
To you whom also reads my blog when convenient.
I am kinda exhausted and stress out since I know you better (but I never deny that I enjoying being with you and knowing you better is an honoured to me). I know we are of common terms, we click, we understand each other like no one understand us more than we do, we know what each other is think and we can be so relaxed talking to each other about our problems. But, I really feel kinda like a substitute and spare tyre of yours (you know what I mean). I understand that you have your family days over the weekend and won't be convenient to contact me, but why should we be like so discreet? Friends don't need to be so discreet, right? When she calls, you should have pick up the call and not ignore her call. I don't think it's right. Putting myself in her shoe, I will not like someone so dear to me ignoring my call. And of course, i will not like someone so dear to me going out with other female and say he is still working. Why can't be truthful? In a relationship, what honours the most is 'truth' and 'honesty'.
But still, I am very very touched for you popping up at my door steps that very night. I certainly felt very touched coz I didn't expect you to come all the way to come look for me (after meeting her). I'm not sure if it's the acohol that is doing the trick or you really do miss me, but I am very very touched by your act. Till date, no one actually come and look for me (giving me the surprise) at my door step. Thanks. You are romantic and I refuse to believe it. But I felt your sincerity. Muackz.
I know you doesn't want to hurt her, your family likes her, and I don't want her to be hurt too, but please know what you really want. No matter how, there will be a party getting hurt, so there's no run away, it's a matter of hurting that party sooner, or later. Decide for yourself.
I know I am generous, and my friend do say that I am silly but well, what more can I do? Destroy people's happy relationship and stand there clapping and cheering 'hurray'? No! I'm not someone like that, and I know you won't do it coz she is too important to you. Fine. But at least, be truthful.
love goes around | 12:28 PM
