I Think I'm In Love With You

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Hi all, I’m back! Firstly to Sarah, don’t worry I won’t die so soon. Haha.

Anyway, health isn’t getting too excellent recently. First, is Bronchitis infection, which is a long term illness which will not recover completely (don’t know how the hell I got into this also), then now is the right lung area having this aching feeling. I can’t have too great a movement if not I’ll feel the pain in the rib bones area. It’s like muscle pull. It’s been like this since last Sat and it’s not recovering any better from then. I’m still feeling the pain (although it’d not feeling as pain as a few days ago, maybe I’m getting used to it). But while all the concerns of my fellow friends keep coming to me, the more fear I get. I’m not saying the concern from friends is making me fear, but from all those things they say, is making me fear that I will get some incurable illness. I know all are very concern about my health, and I really thank each and everyone of you who show concern.

One good example will be ZS scaring me that he checked online about my pain and Bronchitis and all this information, and say he fear it might be cancer. Well, I never thought of that till he mentions which I begin to think about it. What if it’s really lung cancer? What will I do? How will I face it? I know very well for myself that I will avoid it and try all I can to shield it from others so that they will not find out. I know, all of you who read this will start to scold me that I should start to find cure and prevent it from spreading around and stuff. I also know that early curing is essential for my life and prevention is everything about having a good life in future. But sometimes when you are really the one who is having all this illness, you will them to feel helpless and avoid everything related to it. At least for me, I will.

Yesterday I got a message from Zaidi telling me my fellow alumni pass away that very morning in sleep. I’m not too sure of anyone from recent batch will know him or not, but he is a well know flutist in NYP previously, and he is a very good concert master back at his batch and a person who have perfect pitch.

Saw his condolences been published on The Straits Times this morning. I finally decided not to attend his wake (hope Sonny don’t blame me) as this month isn’t a great month for me, with firstly getting very sick and now one side of my body is aching. I think I should avoid this wake attending, knowing that it’s lunar 7th month too. I really send you my condolence, Sonny, may you rest in peace.

Recently, I realise that life is really very unpredictable. First is the Captain from army (am I right, Ryan?) which collapse from the 21KM run and pass away. Next is Sonny, which passed away in sleep due to Heart Attack. Then this morning, hear from the radio news that a footballer passed away too, due to a sudden collapse during football training; what’s more he is only 22 years old. Sonny was only 31 years old.

While chatting online with Jordan, we were starting to think who will be at our wake when we pass away and who will grief for us? Well, of course not thinking I’ll just go tomorrow and stuff, but sometimes I really think about this. If really one unfortunate day I am to pass away just like that, I think I’ll choose to leave quietly. I don’t want people to come to my wake grieving. I want my friends to feel happy for me, at least I leave peacefully without pain or stuff, or even with pain, at leave I don’t have to suffer any more. Just in case I pass away earlier than anyone else, please do not feel sad for me, but do remember me for once I exist. And of course, I’ll look over all of you and remember all of you for painting colours once in my life.

Life is really very unpredictable, so do cherish whatever you have now, and go for whatever you feel like going for and not regret not doing so when you are unable to do so. You won’t know where you will be tomorrow, and you won’t know what will happen tomorrow.

I wish everyone good life and do take good good care of yourselves, and whenever sick, remember to seek for cure early. Smile more as it will make you look and feel healthier. =D

love goes around | 4:37 PM