I Think I'm In Love With You

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Blogging using my house desktop. Yes, my desktop revived. Great thanks to my neighbour as well as "Eng Qi's dad". Without their help, I believe the com will not have revive so soon.

It's so so different to look into a desktop now, probably because I've been too used to my lappy, which everything are strinked by half, and now boom, everything just enlarged in front of me. Wohoo.. Not too use too it though. Hee. But feels so great using the desktop now la, coz I don't have to set up the laptop everytime I want to use it anymore.

Valentine's Day is round the corner. Next week same day, I believe I'll see a lot of couples along the street holding bouquets of flowers from their love ones and many will be enjoy time with their love ones having candlelight dinner. Couples always so sweet. I believe I'll miss the moment this year, coz I don't have a partner with me anymore.

Anyway, i shouldn't complain, at least I did spend it with my love ones before. I believe I'll miss the wonderful Valentine's Day I had previously. Valentine's always brings me a lot of memories. My first Valentine's Day was when I was with my 2nd boyfriend, and we both have polytechnic excusion to NYP. We met at a place as coincidentally and thus pass each other the V'day gift. Kinda romantic, I find it too. Haha. But after that, we ended our rls but still remains as very good friend, good buddy till now, coz he understand me the most (inside out, outside in).

After that will be my 3rd boyfriend, who always like to buy flowers for me. Hee. He treated me very well I should say. Always scared I not enough to eat, always buy things for me, always send me home, waited for me to school, waited for me home. As we live quite near each other, we often meet to go home and all. Even went to Australia with him. Had quite a memoriable relationship with him should say until his expectation gets too high each time for me to him and until his jealousy level went up did we ended our rls.

4th boyfriend was one which I put a lot of feelings in. Not saying I didn't put any for the above two. Each boyfriend I had, I put in more and more feelings, and in turn getting hurt deeper and deeper. sigh. 4th boyfriend proposed to me on Valentine's Day, asking me to be his girlfriend. Well, I have feelings for him for quite some time and well I know he like me for some time too also, but had lost quite some confidence in relationship then, till his sincerity touched me and his sweet sweet messages and his characters bring me confidence again to accept yet another relationship. Had many great time with him though we always protray ourselves just like normal friends, don't hold hands, don't hug, don't kiss. Most memoriable thing was we went to Europe together. Did some sweet things together too la, not to mention them but at least we did. Other than the 100% freedom that he gave me, which was too much for me, and his 100% non-jealous attitude and his "bo chap" attitude made me felt a bit tired of keep being me the one initiating and all, I asked for an end to the wonderful, hoping he could be my husband, relationship.

Next one I should say much anyway, so now I'm left with no one to spend my Valentine's Day with. Actually felt quite uneasy and uncomfortable thinking about Valentine's Day spending it all alone. Probably because I have already spend too many valentine's day with my other half, and now without my other half, just felt incomplete.

I may be contradicting saying I wish to have someone to spend V Day with me but didn't want a boyfriend for myself now, didn't want a relationship now. Sigh. Actually, I'm kind of addicted to relationship. Should I use the word "addicted"? No idea, I realise when I don't have someone whom I can reply on, tell my sorrows, care for and show my love for, I'll feel real empty. Sigh. Maybe it's due to my long term relationship before, which results me in relying too much on the other party. Sigh. Should be independent yet again. I can still live my life well without anyone. Yeah!

Having said so much, I haven't even blog about my wild imagination about Valentine's. Maybe I should blog about it tomorrow. Stay tune if you want to know how wild my imagination can goes for that special couples day.

love goes around | 9:25 PM